Barriers to decluttering
- by Elizabeth Gresson
- •
- 16 Feb, 2020
There's not that much, it's too hard, I can't let it go, where will it end up?
There are four particular obstacles to clearing the clutter that I come across.
1. Overwhelm.When you live in a cluttered environment, it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. Clutter builds up gradually and living in it may become normal.
When I work with clients in this situation, I encourage them to start slowly and take small steps. The initial focus could be the easiest - things with no sentimental value or obvious use, for instance outgrown clothes or things put aside for recycling. Alternatively, it may be more effective to start in an area which is causing most problems and impeding daily life, for instance piles of items stacked on furniture. Getting rid of larger items can make a big impact quite quickly which will then encourage more progress.
2. Change is hard.
Hoarding is a spectrum and people who don’t identify as full-on hoarders may still have mental/psychological barriers to letting things go. They find it hard, too, to let go of things which belong to past times or situations. With clients such as these, I encourage them to focus on the benefits of decluttering, such as more space, less time wasted on looking for things, being able to entertain friends and family in their home. Letting go of things from the past, doesn’t mean those times didn’t happen and keeping the items won’t bring back those times. The same approach of taking small, slow steps is also helpful in this situation.
3. Guilt/obligation.
This often applies to things which have been given or inherited. My sister and her husband are both the eldest siblings in their families. By default they've come to have a large number of family items which their siblings don't want in their own houses, but don’t want to see completely go. In these situations, I encourage clients to speak to their family members saying they don’t want to keep the item and if others don't want it, they will let it go. Equally, many of us keep items which were gifts, even if we don’t like them or use them. People then find it hard to let them go, but I remind them that it’s their choice what they have in their home. Just because you’ve been given or inherited an item, doesn’t mean you have an obligation to keep it. In my experience, people rarely remember what they’ve given and don’t make a point of looking for it when they visit. If they do, you can just say you’ve rearranged the room and then quickly change the subject!
4. Disposal
I’m very eco-friendly and dislike waste of any kind so I relate very much to my clients' desire that their stuff doesn’t end up in landfill. However, doesn’t holding on to unwanted stuff make your home into a rubbish dump? If we don’t deal with the clutter, there is every chance that it will go to landfill after we die. There have been many changes and advances in recent years as to what can be recycled. I have lots of recycling and repurposing solutions which makes it easier for my clients to let things go.
So, no more excuses - now is the time!
These are probably the two most common questions I’m asked when I speak to a potential client.
When I help clients I work to their agenda, not mine and they will always have control over the process. I don’t tell them how we’ll work or what we’ll keep. We start where they choose, in the area that’s causing them the most problems. It could be that a bedroom is so full of stuff that they can no longer sleep there. It may be that they have books spread all round the house and they want to make space in one room to put them all together. They may have a garage stuffed with boxes which still haven’t been unpacked from when they moved in several years ago. Their house may be ordered and organised but they’re paying monthly fees for a storage unit full of stuff which they want to sort through.
We start by going through their thing and I ask them to decide what they want to keep. When I ask them about an item, this gets them to really think about it and what it means, if anything, and enables them to make a decision about whether to keep it or not. One client told me that this process made him accountable. Not to me, but to himself.
The process can take time. I worked with a client who found it very hard to let go of certain items of clothing. She knew she wouldn’t wear them again - they came from a time of her life that was over, but the decision was still hard to make. With some items we spent 20 minutes talking about each one before she was able to let them go. At the end of working with me, she told me she had found it “therapeutic”.
I can encourage decisions and provide some perspective, but the choice is always the client’s.
Most people are (rightly) concerned with the environmental impact of their decluttering. Many of them though, don’t know the wide range of things that can now be repurposed and recycled. I do know, and I’m able to reassure them that most of what they let go can be reused in some way. I don’t believe though that a desire to keep something out of landfill warrants holding onto an item if that’s the only reason to keep it.
So, if you want to get the clutter cleared but are anxious about working with an organiser, be reassured that with me it is a gentle process where you won’t come under any pressure or have any judgments made.
Contact me for a free half hour consultation and see how I can help to get it All Organised for You!
Many of us have things in our houses which have a story attached to them. The Chinese vases that Great Uncle Harry brought back from Hong Kong; the clock grandfather was presented with when he retired; the silver napkin rings which were a wedding present; or the chair that was in the hall of an old family home. When we’re in the position of having to consider what we have - maybe for a house move - we often enlist the help of our families. They too know the back story of these items and they are just “Uncle Harry’s vases”, “the chair from Albion Road”, or “grandfather’s clock”. There is no thought or consideration about why we have them and often we don’t see them anymore. They’ve just always been there. Other family members wouldn't want the items in their own houses, but they are reluctant to see them discarded because of the obligations of the back story.
When I work with clients, I don’t know the history or associations of any of their possessions, and I will simply ask about that clock, those pictures, that ornament. When a client tells me the story, it’s like talking to a therapist who is completely detached from it. As the client starts to tell me about the background of how Great Uncle Harry, or their grandfather acquired the item and how long it’s been in their house, they start to ask themselves the significance of it. Maybe Great Uncle Harry was their husband’s relative, they never met him and actually they don’t like the vases very much. The clock may have a loud annoying tick and is kept in a cupboard and never wound up. Once they have worked through the process of considering the item and its meaning to them, they very often then feel able to let go of it. They can tell family members that they don’t want it any longer, and if the rest of the family feel strongly about it, one of them can take it. Not surprisingly, when confronted with this, the family members often agree that it can be sold, or just given away.
For me, decluttering is about making mindful, intentional choices about what we have in our houses. Our homes are about us, what’s important to us and what we value. It shouldn't be about holding onto things from an obligation to other people. I wouldn’t want to think that someone kept something in their home that they didn’t like, simply because I gave to them, or that my children felt obligated to keep possessions of mine that mean nothing to them. I would prefer that they passed it onto someone who valued it and actively wanted in their home.
So, give yourself permission to let go of the things that you’re only keeping because of their back story and only have in your home the things that mean something to you. If you want my help to support you through the process, get in touch and let’s get started!